-------Double Post!-------

iPod Hits Home 

Walls

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So, here goes. This is gonna be one of those shotgun posts again, I just feel myself rattling around inside and can't sleep. I don't know what to even say here. So many of you read this, and so I have to be careful. But my emotions lately have soared to completely new and amazing heights. And then today, right at the end, they came blazing down around my ears.

You always worry about pushing people away. Then you worry about letting them in too close. And your reactions never are exactly what you'd like them to be. And then, when you hit rock bottom, you clamor for a soul to listen, someone who'll catch that cliffhanger fall your tripping toward, and grab your hand on the way down. And while they hold your hand, the only thing you can think about is, am I going to get hurt for letting them in too close?

I'm this 110%, heart in it, passionate, emotional guy. My sleeve bleeds all the time, and my heart begs me to put it back into my chest, but I just can't "half-ass" anything. I won't. It's honestly worth it, to have all the pain in the end and have those 110% experiences. Though you reel from the shock of it all, in the end, its a good thing, its a great amazing thing.

Nah, I won't run from it all, and I'm sure these things rolling through my head are over-corrections and doubts, I'm making it bigger than I should ya know, but for once, I wish it would be ok to just full on run, not look back or fear for my own recovery at the end of it all.

Too scared is probably the best thing to call this, yet the one thing that makes this worth it, that makes continuing on so important, is that I'll think ahead and know it'll be good. Gut feelings and intuition aside, cuz well, screw that, male-fact-based logic screams it will be good.

I really don't know what I'm trying to say, maybe I'm just attempting to convince myself through this medium that yeah, its cool that you dropped your walls, scared yourself, and followed your feelings. Those few moments where you caught me, held on, and didn't let me throw walls back up was worth it.